Monday, February 9, 2015

Tuned Out

I think we should all just agree that this thing is not going to get updated weekly.  That'll never happen.  I'm way too lazy for that.  Plus, it's not like anyone is clamoring for it.  Which, makes sense.  There aren't many people that want to hear my bitch in person, let alone read some half-assed stream of consciousness. I guess this thing is more for me.  Let's face it, this is more of a journal.  But I have just enough of an ego to make it public just in case somebody wants to know what I think about... Stuff.  And things.

So, it's been a couple months since my last post.  Not a whole lot has changed in that time.  I still work the same job, I still get paid just enough to live, and I still don't do as much standup as I should.  I changed my schedule to get a little more time, which is nice.  Now I'm just lacking motivation.  I haven't written anything new in months and I'm starting to forget what it feels like to do well on stage.  I'm not the first person to say this, but standup is a lot like a drug.  You try it and, if you realize it's for you, it completely consumes you.  You've become an addict.  Doing well just becomes your high, and you're constantly chasing that.  That's why a lot of people don't mind bombing.  It just means that the next time you kill in a room, you're going to get an even bigger rush.  Now, it's been so long since I've done really well.  It's almost like the withdrawal phase is over and I'm back to the guy I was earl 2012.  Not happy about where I'm at in life, not sure what to do, lonely, and trapped in my own head.  Only now, I can look at this thing I've spent the last two and a half years of my life doing.  I want that feeling back.  I want put all of my effort into my craft and fucking make it.  It was easy before I moved.  I didn't have much else to worry about.  Now that I'm here, I HAVE to make money.  I have to pay rent, I have to take care of my dog, I have to maintain my car... I have to be an adult.  I'm a week away from 27 and I can say, with absolutely no shame, I'm not ready.  Don't misinterpret, because I understand that my life isn't especially hard and that I'm being a baby.  I'm very, very aware of that.  I've just also had a history of doing things my way.  Usually, I make things harder on myself.  I just don't like being told that there's a set way to do things.  I know what I want to do with my life.  There are so few people that can say the same, and I'm proud of myself for that.  However, in the standup world, you're told that you only have a few options.  Get on stage as much as you can, grind through the clubs, work and tweak material, and eventually someone will give you a chance on a bigger stage.  Then, you repeat this process over and over until you get to where you want to be in your career.  Fuck.  That.

I'm not the only one who thinks that process is bullshit.  We live in an age of constant sharing of content and ideas.  There are so many outlets for whatever you want to do, that there's no goddamn reason to not try.  So, I've been working with Eric Brown and Sarah Bursich to take a DIY approach to all of this.  We're taking a page from The Nerdist and starting our own "Network."  A website for comics, run by comics, where you can post whatever the hell you want.  Podcasts, sketches, short films, blogs, it doesn't matter.  And we're starting this with a podcast hosted by myself, Eric, and a friend of mine by the name of David Yeck-Stauffer.  Nothing super original on the format, just talking with someone that we like and learning more about them.  Eric and I with a few years of standup under our belts, plus a chemistry that we've discovered after hosting shows together, David is a funny guy I know.  He's thoughtful, introspective, and will keep Eric and I from spending the entire podcast talking about a bunch of dumb shit that absolutely nobody but the two of us care about.

So, that's that.  There will be more info coming along shortly.  But, if your'e interesting and interested in being on the show, just let me know!  I'm actually excited about this.  I think it could be really great. And that's coming from a guy who gags on positivity.

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