Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Gateway To Whatever The Fuck This Is

Well well well... Turns out I did exactly what I didn't want to do.  I completely forgot about this blog. It's been close to a year since I updated this thing. Totally Patronizing.  I still like the name.  Seems that a year ago I was bitching a lot.  I suppose I'm good at that.  So good, in fact, that I just might be working on a podcast that's just that.  Me bitching.  Who wouldn't want to listen to that?!

So what have I been doing for the past year?  Let's see...

Looks like my last post was in January and I don't remember a damn thing about that month.  So let's skip ahead to February. I turned 26.  Fucking hooray.  Rented another cabin for the party and had a decent time.  Decent because I think I'm becoming more cynical every year and I have a hard time enjoying... uh... Everything.  I was still making the rounds at open mics in the Carbondale area and running the one at Longbranch with Eric Brown and Sarah Bursich.

March through June was more of the same.  Unemployed, drinking most nights, playing a lot of video games, eating entire large pizzas, and living with my mom.  Then July rolled around... A friend told me about a company that might be hiring in the St. Louis area.  A company that cares for, and teaches, people with mental disabilities.  I had no doubt in my mind that there was no way I would get that job.  Me of all people.  So, I applied online with my incredibly depressing resume.  Three days later, I had an interview over the phone.  Week after that, I had an interview in person.  Two weeks after THAT, I moved to St. Louis.  July 27th was the day I moved.  I started working July 28th.  I went through my two weeks of training before I started picking up clients.  I'll spare you a lot of the details and get to the major events.  Since I've been working here I've been told to go fuck myself, that I'm a son of a bitch, that it's amazing that even my family would love me, and that I'm a piece of shit.  That's just from one kid.  Not to mention the time he threatened to kill me with a shovel (which was in his hands.)

Then I get my second client.  Non-verbal (a great change of pace) and needs to learn most daily living skills.  Can't really say anything bad about the kid.  He honestly doesn't know any better... I feel bad for him.  Believe it or not, I like this job a lot.  I feel like I'm doing something meaningful for once.  I'm helping them in very specific ways and I feel like they need me.  It's pretty great.  Except for the time this kid got out of the shower and full-on grabbed my tits while rubbing his bare dick against me.  That was a bummer.

I've always liked St. Louis.  It's a pretty cool city.  My first month here I stayed with a friend who pretty much lived in the metro area.  My commute to work was pretty short, I was close to everything, it was great.  I only stayed there for a month because I told him I would.  Even though things weren't going how I had planned by that point, I made him a deal.  He has a really small place and, with me sleeping on the couch, it was pretty cramped.  So, sure, I lied to him about having something else lined up.  Only thing that feels worse than mooching off somebody is doing it because they feel sorry for you, right?  So when my contingency plan fell through, I wasn't left with many options.  I could go crawling back home and admit defeat (something I was all too familiar with) or I could say fuck it and do what I had to so I could get by.  Obviously, I chose option B.  I spent the next two weeks living in my car.  I tell people this pretty openly because I am in now way ashamed of it.  I stayed.  I fought through it.  Sure, two weeks isn't very long... But it feels a lot longer when you don't have a bed and gunshots seem a whole lot closer.  I found a gym that was 24 hours, clean, and cheap.  Essentially, I payed $10 for two weeks of showers and a parking lot to sleep in.  Not a bad deal, in my book.  Eventually, my birth mom finds out about my "living situation" and immediately steps in.  Of course, she knows people in the area.  And, of course, one of them has a room they're looking to rent for pretty cheap.

So, here I am.  Living in Florissant, Missouri.  I live with a cast of characters from, as Eric Brown said, "a bad British sitcom."  Lesbian, people who have been to jail, guy with a couple DUI's.... And me.  Just some fat fuck with an insane dream to tell jokes for money.

There it is.  I have no idea if anyone actually read this thing, or if anyone really gives a shit.  If you do, please let me know.  If not, then it's for me.  Either way, it's kind of a win.

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