Loverboy

Here we are! Week three. It's 11:37 and I'm just now getting this damn thing started. Maybe I should update more than once a week. Seven days is too long for me to remember what the fuck I'm supposed to do. Anyway... Let's get down to it.

Love. Is there anything more powerful? There's not much that can be said about love that isn't cliche. It's the one thing that can instill as much fear as it does joy. I've always found it to be a beautiful thing. People can fight and argue over just about anything in the world. But, one undeniable fact, everyone wants love. Sure, you might not be ready for it. And, typically, you never know when you're ready. That's what's so awesome about it. You can be in the deepest, darkest place... But, then loves comes along. BAM! You're sucked into the smiles and flirtatious touches that make all of your friends want to hang themselves. It's so interesting to me. All it takes is one person to completely change your personality. Arguably, for the better. 

Yes, there are more than enough examples of how love (or, "love" if you're a pessimist) have changed people for the worse. Doing things that hurt themselves or others just to prove their affection and things of that nature. However, is that really love? It's hard to say. I think that, in most cases, that kind of love is one sided. Usually with the person doing the wrong thing being the one that's truly in love. It's an interesting conversation to have. Everyone has their own stories of love. And most of them bad. Love is a lot like general happiness in that way. There has to be a lot of pain to compensate for how fantastic it is.

To quote one of my favorite comics, Marc Maron... What the fuck is my point? I, just like everyone else, have had my fair share of shit in the love department. I spent most of my Jr. High and High school years chasing it. I've always been a hopeless romantic and I'm just now learning to embrace it. I don't know if it's an endearing quality to have, but it's me. And, dammit, people are going to have to deal with it. So, I thought I'd share with you all (the two... MAYBE three people who read this) my story of the first time I had my heart broken.

I was in the fourth grade. I was a weird kid for a lot of reasons. One of the weirdest to me, I never really went through the "girls are gross" phase. For two years I had my eye on one girl that I couldn't stop thinking about. Her name was Lindsey. Long dark hair, blue eyes, never spoke to me, never came to my birthday party that I ALWAYS invited her to... She was pretty great. Finally, I decide that I'm going to do something. Since all my time during recess was spent avoiding bullies and jumping off of playground equipment for attention, I knew I needed a different approach. I decided to write her a love letter. "What can be more romantic than coming to school and finding a love letter in your desk?" That was my actual though as a fourth grader. Now, my penmanship has always been shit. I know I can't really write a letter. I do want her to be able to read the damn thing. So, I start typing. As far as what I said in that letter, I have no idea. I can only imagine how cringe worthy that damn thing must have been. But I was in fourth grade! I can't stress that enough... 

Once I'm done writing, editing, rewriting, and re-editing... I print it out, put it in an envelope, then I'm stuck with a new problem. How do I write her name on the envelope? I want it to impress her and I know I won't be able to make it look nice. So I do what any young boy does. I go to my mom. I have my mom write Lindsey's name on the envelope. There was little sleep to be had that night. How can anyone sleep when you just know the love of your life is about to be swept off her feet when you're one romantic little goddamn Casanova? I made sure to be ready so I could get to school earlier than usual. I wanted to put the letter in her desk and be ready to watch as she read it because I just knew she was going to fall madly in love with me. So far, everything goes exactly as planned. She sits down, finds the note, opens it, and starts reading. My heart is pounding so hard in anticipation. She finishes, then motions for her friends to come over. I get even more excited. Now she wants to show off to them! Perfect! I know that one of the best ways to win a lady over is to impress her friends. After they all read it, they take a second to talk about it. Things just keep getting better! They're talking about me! I've definitely nailed it. Lindsey turns to look at me, with a big stupid smile on my face. That's when it happens. In unison, the laughing. And the pointing. And more laughing. I felt the blood leave my face and I could almost hear my heart crashing into the floor. 

Years later, Lindsey and I actually became friends. The story of that letter became a fun little anecdote in our friendship. I never let her know that I still liked her. I didn't see much of a point. Chalk it up to an experience that would prepare me for a series of failed attempts, and failed relationships. But, like I said, the pain is necessary for the bliss that love can bring. 

As usual, leave a comment! Tell me one of your experiences. And please share this blog. If you have any topic you'd like me to tackle, just let me know.